Holding it down as Best Person to Chat With Online since 2004. (I’m not putting his name here because I’m 99% sure he Googles himself at least once a day.)
——-
Him: like i love mickey rourke
because he was the handsomest
and getting paid to be the handsomest
and then decided that getting punched directly in the face very hard for no money would be his next move
——-
Him:
but gosling
like
thats not even fair
Him: hes like
buckshot
of hotness
that doesnt make sense
——
Him: im on angeldust, sorry big night
me: M0nD4y
Him: airhorn
——-
——-
Him: i wanna move somewhere where no one knows me
and start being the guy who wears lace and leather
me: just do it in your parents’ house
Him: that real hairy dude
me: also I’m not even sure if there is that guy
Him: in the lace and leather
——-
Him: i gotta like
trim my chest hair bro
GETTING LONGISH
——-
Him:
did i tell you my car idea
Him: the toyota sellecka
its a toyota celica with an enormous moustache
——-
me: I thought chest hair was like cats with short hair
it doesn’t grow
it’s just there
Him: it grows if you trim it
so it isnt so long and gross
and like
all over
Him: and like
then
its the give a mouse a cookie thing
except you know
ends with pubes
me: if you give a chest a hair
Him: if a mouse trims his chest hair
hes gotta trim his pubes
which doesnt make for a long book
——-
Him: a dominatric
x
me: ha
me: what would a dominatric be
Him: like
dominic
the guy with the dungeon in his row home basement
in NE philly
——-
Him: like
where
Him: are your jeans from
me: American Eagle
shhh
Him: ew
Him: 10th grade is gonna be weird right
